L's Real Name
by lilkyonkyon
Summary: Light hatches a plan to find out L's real name. It's so simple, so devious, nothing could go wrong. Unfortunately, he didn't account for L himself. Rated for language and large quantities of alcohol. Oneshot.


I've been sitting on this story for so long, it doesn't even seem original to me, haha. It's short, but sweet, and I do remember laughing numerous times at the idea. I felt that I should (finally) share this with the general public.

Enjoy!

P.S. No I don't own Death Note. I'm not that awesome of an artist. Yeesh.

* * *

**L's Real Name**

Light leaned back in his chair and stared at the ceiling. For the life of him, he couldn't figure out L's real name. He'd searched birth certificates, school yearbooks, anything to see if he could find someone who even resembled him — but he had found nothing. He felt his lead in the race beginning to slip up, and he couldn't have that, not at all.

"You look troubled," Ryuk taunted, hovering into view. Light scoffed and turned away. "What's bothering you now?"

"I just don't know his name," he admitted through clenched teeth. "I need it!"

"You _want_ it," the shinigami grinned.

Light slowly shook his head. "No, I do need it. He has to be out of the way if I want to proceed with my plan. He's an obstacle that needs to be taken down. I just don't know how!"

"Light!" a voice called from downstairs, effectively ruining the mood for vengeance. "Dinner's ready!"

Ryuk chuckled. "Better not keep your mother waiting. You know what happened last time you were late for dinner." Without answering, Light stumbled down the stairs and sat across from his father at the dinner table just as his mother set down his plate of dinner.

"Light," his dad said pleasantly. "I hear you've been working hard at college."

"I guess," Light shrugged as he picked up his chopsticks. "But I've been thinking more and more about the Kira case. Have you made any progress?"

The man's smile faded into a grimace. "Unfortunately, we have not," he pronounced. "L's last idea hasn't been working as quickly as we would have liked. However, he asked us to remain patient. He still has confidence in his plan."

"Really? Did he ever say I could help?" Light tried to look as eager as he could without arousing suspicion. To his chagrin, however, his father slowly shook his head.

"L told me that he doesn't want to endanger anyone else."

Light watched his dad take a long sip of his beer and something hit him. "Mom," he began suddenly. "May I be excused? I just remembered a paper that I should be editing."

"If you must—"

"Arigatou." He snatched his plate and, as an afterthought, an apple before he climbed the stairs two at a time and dashed into his room. He shut the door softly before he said, "I have an idea."

"Is that apple for me?" Ryuk asked.

He smiled, tossed the shinigami the apple, and set to work.

Light was up all night. The plan was simple to implement. All it took was a few phone calls, some cashed-in favors, and enough money to rent a hotel room for a night. It was two in the morning before everything was ready. All he needed to do now was make sure that Ryuusaki was there. In the dark, he grinned, and even Ryuk felt a chill.

"Great party, Light-kun," Minako crooned, hugging his arm to her body. All around them, gaggles of girls paraded, drinking their cocktails and complementing each other's outfits. "When's the birthday boy going to get here?"

"Any second now," he said, glancing at his watch. As if on cue, he heard the doorbell ring. "That's him. Everyone, hide!" The girls, squealing with delight, all stumbled behind the nearest furniture pieces as Light strode to the door. None of them saw his maniacal smile.

"Ah, Ryuusaki, I'm glad you could make it." He opened the door wider, letting the boy enter.

"Where should I put the doughnuts?" the other boy asked as he lifted a box of a dozen.

"Um . . ."

Before Light could answer such an odd question, all the girls burst from their hiding places. "Surprise!" they shouted, giggling over one another. "Surprise, Ryuusaki!"

It was only a matter of time before Light would get what he needed.

The first phase of the plan over, he focused on the next — getting L, to put it bluntly, shitfaced. It starts with jungle juice, a concoction of Hawai'ian Punch and a shot of 190-proof alcohol. The boy downed it without even thinking, causing Light to blink. He was being surprisingly trusting.

Light spent the rest of the night having each girl give L different types of drinks — all mixed to prevent him from tasting the alcohol. Light decided to switch him to beer when he saw L dancing. He beckoned Namie over and asked if she would help L sit down.

She did more than help him sit.

Light waited patiently for the make-out session to end, hoping L would be in better spirits by the time he had to deal with him.

And he was.

"This is the best, Light-kun," he sighed, stretching his arms above his head. "I've never had a surprise birthday party before, especially one so far from my birthday."

"Well, I figured you just needed a break," Light replied, semi-truthfully. "You work too hard sometimes. I don't even know your name."

"Ryuusaki."

Light chuckled. "You know what I meant. Your _name_. What is it, anyways?"

"My name?" L repeated, his eyes blurring with nostalgia and liquor. "You want to know my name?"

"More than anything," Light pressed with an eager, greedy smile.

L frowned pensively, as if weighing the pros and cons of revealing such a secret. He took another swig of beer. He closed his eyes afterwards, and Light was scared that he might have passed out until the boy's dark eyes snapped open once more. "My real name?"

Impatiently, Light pressed, "Yes."

"My name… is…" he glanced over his shoulder, as if he were telling a state secret that no one else could hear. Hell, it probably was a state secret. It wouldn't be surprising. L cleared his throat, then ever-so-slowly leaned over towards Light and rested his chin on the boy's shoulder. In that uncomfortably close position, he sucked in a deep breath and whispered one word, one simple word, into Light's ear:

"Rumpelstiltskin."

* * *

Haha, this still makes me smile, even after three years... Let me know what you think of it. Please **review**!


End file.
